The Weekly Rant with Gary Patella

Thoughts and ideas on various grievances that are relevant to everyday life.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

On Public Displays Of Affection

Public displays of affection are familiar to almost everyone. At some point in time pretty much everyone, including myself, has been guilty of this charge. In the course of life and socialization there are bound to be a few drunken times where people make out (or worse) in an inappropriate place. It would be rather hypocritical of me to not excuse a lot of these incidents.

However, some people have taken this behaviour to another level. There are some people that need no substance to act inappropriately. When a sober couple must spend an entire bus ride or train ride making out, something about it just doesn't seem right. The constant kissing sounds are actually distracting. And these people are fully sober! There is no reason to be locking lips for a non-stop hour outside of the bedroom.

Don't get me wrong. I am not anti kissing in public. I am simply saying that there is an unwritten time limit and quantity. Far too often people overdo it. And the people that overdo it usually seem to be doing it for attention. This becomes obvious when the kissing sounds they make are many decibels higher than the typical volume. It is as if they wish to announce it to everyone. "Hey everybody! Look at me! I'm making out!" That's very nice for you. Now please stop. You're making everyone else uncomfortable.

Why do these people feel the need to make out for such a long time? Why do they kiss more loudly than everyone else? Obviously they must have some psychological need for validation. But this is not only stupid, it is actually counter-productive. The person is already with someone else that is willing to make out. And all of the bystanders are not cheering you on as you make out for a ridiculously long time. They are more likely looking at you with derision.

So if you are one of these people that need to make out non-stop for a ridiculously long amount of time in public, please get some help. You need to have your brain picked by a psychiatrist and get your issues cleared up. It is not normal to make out non-stop in a restaurant. Nor is it normal to make out for an entire bus ride or train ride. Learn to kiss like a normal person! The hour hand on your watch should not move from one number to the next by the time the kiss ends. Nor should the kissing sound be louder than a shotgun. At a certain point, these PDAs become just plain rude.


At 10:37 AM , Anonymous joat said...

this is hilarious, but true and I agree. as some would say, "t-m-i!"


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