How To Use The Stairs: Another Guide For Morons

Stairs have a fascinating history. The earliest form of a staircase was the climbing pole, which consists of a notched tree trunk resting against a wall to be scaled. Nowadays we would consider this climbing pole more analagous to a ladder. The building of actual staircases supposedly began thousands of years ago, about the same time that man started constructing buildings. My objective here is not to give a historical timeline of developments in stairs. The historical information is provided to make a point. My point is this: stairs have been around for an extremely long time, and yet many people still have not mastered this simple architectural structure.
When using a staircase in public, many people are simply baffled at how these crazy things called stairs work. Of course most of these people have stairs at their own residence, yet they seem to hesitate and contemplate at each step. Perhaps they think that these stairs work differently from the ones they have at home. I'll let you know right now, they work the same way.
Of course all public places, such as malls and museums, have this problem. But the worst by far is the subway. On the subway I see the same people get off at the same station and approach the same staircase every day. Despite their extreme familiarity with the staircase, every day they come to a dead halt and stare as if it were something altogether alien. Then the ascent begins. First one leg is placed on the step, then a long moment of contemplation follows. The individual must be thinking "Is this right? Is this how I can get up there?" Finally the rear leg comes from behind to land on the second step. At this point it seems the person figured out the proper motion, but there is still something wrong. Each step takes much longer than it should, and the person behaves like a child that has learned how to dance but must go slow to count the steps (no pun intended). The situation is the same going down the stairs, where little or no energy is required.
So for those who do not know, I will tell you how to use the stairs. To go up, first place your foot on the bottom stair. Then, while keeping your foot on that stair, place the rear foot on the second stair. Keeping the foot on the second stair in place, move the foot on the bottom step to the third step. Repeat this motion. To descend, simply use the top stair as the first stair and keep bringing the rear leg from behind to land on the next lowest stair. Perhaps the hesitation going down is from a fear of falling. If this is the case, simply use the bannister to alleviate your fears.
As a final point, I would like to mention that the knowledge of staircases is not innate. Children do learn from parents how to go up and down the stairs. If you have a child at this young age, I appreciate that you must teach them to use the stairs. I just feel that a busy subway station during rush hour may not be the most appropriate time and place for these lessons. So if you still do not know how the stairs work, learn quick or move somewhere far away from me. I am on the verge of knocking these people over.