On Splitting The Bill (Part 2)

Last week I discussed the main problem when it comes to splitting the bill. I will now mention some further issues. I've already explained that, people being people, the bill will usually come up short if everyone pays for their own order. The obvious solution that springs to mind is to have the bill split evenly so that everyone puts in the same amount. However, even this method of splitting the bill is not without its problems.

One rarely encountered but serious issue is the person that takes extreme advantage of the fact that the bill will be split. This person will order an extremely expensive entree, several appetizers, and highly costly drinks. If each individual were to pay for himself or herself this person would pay at least double and probably triple what everyone else pays. But in a situation where the bill is split evenly, everyone must chip in to cover the expensive order and the glutton walks away laughing.

Another isssue, believe it or not, is that some people still shortchange the bill in this scenario. The method chosen specifically to alleviate this problem can still be subject to an individual putting in less money. It sounds strange, but there are people that are told to put in $50 along with everyone else and yet this person will slip in a mere $20. Over the years I've encountered at least ten people that pull this stunt. The wonderful thing about this situation is that they are easily pinpointed. After the bill comes up short, simply ask each individual if they put in the fixed amount. These culprits always respond in the same manner-- "I think so. I just took money out of my pocket and threw it in. I didn't count it to see exactly how much it was." I will grant that most of the human population is retarded, but these people must be absolutely insane if they think that people are that stupid. No one grabs loose bills out and throws them in without counting. And even if they did, we once again look to probability. If money were grabbed randomly and thrown in, it would work out that half the time the bill would be short and half the time the bill would be over. But this is the excuse that is used.

Moving on, we have further problems still. Splitting the bill evenly amongst all parties can considerably reduce the frequency of coming up short. But now to add a tip and divide by the number of people present involves a little math. Granted, the mathematics used is very basic and taught in third grade, but it is mathematics nonetheless and this leads to another problem. The check comes, people are ready to split the bill, and then who grabs the check to figure it all out? The person that got left back in kindergarden always seems to be the one that suddenly takes control. Well this is just dandy! The person that can't add two rocks together is going to tell us all what we owe. Now everyone has to wait around while the idiot comes up with a number that will almost certainly be incorrect. Then after everyone gives said amount, we will be told that something is wrong. Well no shit Sherlock! Maybe we shouldn't let the moron that failed fingerpainting handle the finances.

Unfortunately, that is the person that takes control and no one wants to say anything, including myself. I've already angered many people in the past due to my bluntness and my lack of political correctness and diplomacy. The last thing I need is another person going around and saying that I'm a mean and horrible person. And I'll tell you the reason why my bluntness seems so terrible: it's because I'm right, and the truth often hurts.

The problems of splitting the bill still do not end there. Next week I will vent about one final issue and wrap up this topic.