The Weekly Rant with Gary Patella

Thoughts and ideas on various grievances that are relevant to everyday life.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

On Subway Annoyances

In the past, I have written about poor subway etiquette. But there were many points that were overlooked in that previous rant, and it is high time that such things are brought to light. In large cities, public transportation has become one of the primary means of travel. Traveling by subway inevitably involves coming into contact with a large group of individuals. People being as rude, stupid and worthless as most of them are, there are bound to be a number of annoying individuals.

For starters, there are those that just purchased a new cell phone. In and of itself, purchasing a new cell phone creates no disturbance. However, many of these morons sit on the train and suddenly feel the need to try out every single ring tone that the new purchase contains. This asshole will sit there for the entire train ride playing his ring tones for the entire subway car to hear. No one else wants to hear them, and no one is impressed with his new toy.

A similar culprit is the person that plays extremely crappy music for the entire subway ride. Rather than splurging on a cheap pair of headphones, this idiot uses the speakers on his little hand-held device and subjects everyone to a monotonous and uncomplicated "song." These individuals seem to think that they are showing off somehow. The only thing that they are showing is that we can double their IQs and still not hit three digits.

When it comes to these noise infractions, there is still a third individual at fault. The no-talent guitar guy is no stranger to subway riders. This person will enter the car and start playing a single chord over and over while adding to the torture by incorporating a terrible singing voice. It is true that on rare occasion, the person is actually talented. But such individuals are few and far between. For the most part, the people anxiously await for the song to end. Then this person has the nerve to request money for disturbing everyone. Perhaps a better method would be to play for five or ten seconds, and then request money in order to remain silent.

And it is not only passengers that can be annoying. Every now and then, people have the honor of being on the train with the announcement-happy subway conductor. This conductor will just talk non-stop and try to throw out every slogan in the arsenal. Even on the more modern cars with the automated announcements, there are times when the conductor feels the need to just keep playing every announcement ever recorded. I'm sorry that the conductor is trying to overcome his boredom, but that is no excuse for annoying everyone else.

Finally, there seems to be an increased amount of body odor in the subways lately. Either my nose has become more sensitive, or more people are refusing to shower. Well here's a newsflash: you people stink! Go buy a bar of soap and take a friggin' shower. We are no longer living in the middle ages where people bath but once a year. Take a shower and use deodorant. My olfactory senses are sick of being assaulted on a daily basis.

In closing, if you fall into the category of one of the people above, please remedy the problem. You can either stop the annoying behaviour, or you can go kill yourself. Personally, I'd prefer if you chose the latter.

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