How To Find Your Seat At An Event: Another Guide For Morons

Most of us have lives outside of the workplace. Pastimes usually consist of getting together with friends or pursuing some outside interest, such as a hobby. However, there is another pastime to mention. Most people tend to enjoy some form of live entertainment every now and then. Various personalities enjoy live entertainment in various forms. But whether the performance is a play, an opera, a concert, or one of the many other types of performance, the method for assigned seating remains fairly consistent.

Despite the extreme consistency with seats defined by letters and numbers, many people cannot seem to find their proper seat. This is something that frustrates me. When heading to my section, I am constantly stuck behind a group of people that move extremely slowly looking around to figure out where to go. Have these people forgotten how to count? Let me open your eyes: if you are in section 5 and the sign says "Sections 1 through 4" that is not your section! But then again, I've met some really dumb people that were still able to count up to five. So perhaps it is the letters that throw these people off.

With twenty six letters in our alphabet, there are over 400 septillion* possible arrangements (a septillion is 10 to the 24th power). This could be very confusing to a person whose IQ may not even contain two digits. Fortunately, there is a song that children sing in which the correct order of the letters are laid out. So if you are one of these people that cannot figure out that Section K comes after Section J, I have a solution. Simply go up to any five-year-old and ask them to sing you the alphabet song. Try to sing along with them and learn the lyrics. Don't worry too much about the ending that goes "Now I know my A, B, C's." After all, I wouldn't want you to get overwhelmed. Just sing along and learn it well enough to memorize the basic order of the letters.

Every time I go to a show, people that cannot find their seats ruin the show. Sometimes they are sitting in my seat. Sometimes they are sitting in someone else's seat nearby or in the same row as me. Whatever the case may be, I either have to stand to let the morons out and let the right people in, kick people out of my seat, or have my view obstructed while the idiots in front of me figure things out. When I have a ticket that says "Row C, Seat 11" I don't find it difficult. But I'm starting to think that perhaps I'm exceptional since I know that C is the third letter of the alphabet and I know how to count up to and recognize the number 11. It is clear that not everyone has such abilities.

So the next time you plan to attend a concert (especially one that I also plan to attend), do me a favor. Learn your alphabet and make sure that you have this counting thing down pat. If you can identify the proper order of the letters and can start to figure out when one number is larger or smaller than another, you are well on your way to being a person that is actually able to find your seat. So keep on practicing your alphabet and keep on counting. Hopefully with these tips you can somehow make yourself more useful to society, although I doubt it.






*Note: The precise number is 403,291,461,126,605,635,584,000,000