Leave Me Out Of It!

Throughout life one experiences a variety of conflicts. They are an inevitable consequence of social interaction. Many of these conflicts are resolved over time. A select few may last a lifetime. But regardless of the duration, conflicts between the involved individuals should remain that way (i.e. between the involved individuals). Unfortunately, many people don't see it that way.

Oftentimes those involved in a dispute try to force others to "choose a side." Whether the potential recruits are family or friends is irrelevant. The truth of the matter is that a choice should not have to be made. Most of the people were not even there when the quarrel took place, let alone involved. It is unfair to expect others to feel a similar aversion to the new nemesis.

Whenever a person wishes to tell me about a particular dispute, I am willing to listen. I can understand the need to vent. In fact, the information itself may prove useful. Inviting both involved parties to the same place a short time after the argument can lead to an awkward situation. Many would wish to avoid such an encounter.

But venting greatly differs from asking others to dissociate themselves from someone. Sometimes it is a blatant request such as "Don't talk to that person anymore." Other times it is a bit more subtle such as "I don't see how anyone would want to remain friends with a person like that." And there is even the extremely presumptuous "We aren't talking to that person anymore." From this I can only assume that my venting friend has some regal status of which I was previously unaware.

My main point is that an argument should not be perceived as a major conflict that calls for recruits to be amassed on both sides. You can tell the story and you can let off steam. But you should never try to rally others to the cause. In short, leave me out of it!