The Weekly Rant with Gary Patella

Thoughts and ideas on various grievances that are relevant to everyday life.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

On Home Fries

The potato, a starchy tuberous crop in the Solanaceae family, is known throughout the world. It was domesticated in Peru approximately 9,000 years ago, and since that time it has been introduced around the globe. There are now hundreds of different potato recipes, and potatoes can be prepared in numerous ways.

Furthermore, potatoes can be served at breakfast, lunch or dinner. Although it is rarely an entree, it is one of the main side dishes and is the world's fourth largest food crop. Despite the fact that most of the potato dishes are good, there is a dish that is notoriously terrible. I am referring to home fries.

In most diners, home fries are the typical complement to breakfast. But their popularity has always baffled me. It is almost as if a whole group of restaurants and diners got together and said "OK. We have some perfectly edible potatoes here. How can we turn them into something completely terrible?" And the answer to that question was home fries.

I will admit that, on rare occasion, one can stumble upon a place that has edible home fries. But by and large, they are absolutely dreadful. Smashed up potatoes, microwaved first, then placed on a grill for a short time doesn't really cut it for me. "Enhancing" them by sprinkling on some crappy seasoning doesn't do much to help. And mixing in some rotten pieces of bell pepper only makes the dish worse.*

I know the restaurants serve potatoes like this to save time. But I think hash browns or french fries wouldn't really take that much longer, and it would probably lead to happier customers. So here is my suggestion to the restaurants and diners: think of a new side dish for breakfast! Because those home fries have got to go.

*Note: I know that technically the addition of bell peppers changes the name of the side dish from home fries to potatoes O'Brien. But both are similar themes on the same disgusting dish, and there was no need to distinguish between the two in this rant.


At 9:15 AM , Blogger StarCarlitos said...

I don't think I ever had home fries ever...


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