How To Use The Stairs: Another Guide For Morons

Stairs have a fascinating history. The earliest form of a staircase was the climbing pole, which consists of a notched tree trunk resting against a wall to be scaled. Nowadays we would consider this climbing pole more analagous to a ladder. The building of actual staircases supposedly began thousands of years ago, about the same time that man started constructing buildings. My objective here is not to give a historical timeline of developments in stairs. The historical information is provided to make a point. My point is this: stairs have been around for an extremely long time, and yet many people still have not mastered this simple architectural structure.
When using a staircase in public, many people are simply baffled at how these crazy things called stairs work. Of course most of these people have stairs at their own residence, yet they seem to hesitate and contemplate at each step. Perhaps they think that these stairs work differently from the ones they have at home. I'll let you know right now, they work the same way.
Of course all public places, such as malls and museums, have this problem. But the worst by far is the subway. On the subway I see the same people get off at the same station and approach the same staircase every day. Despite their extreme familiarity with the staircase, every day they come to a dead halt and stare as if it were something altogether alien. Then the ascent begins. First one leg is placed on the step, then a long moment of contemplation follows. The individual must be thinking "Is this right? Is this how I can get up there?" Finally the rear leg comes from behind to land on the second step. At this point it seems the person figured out the proper motion, but there is still something wrong. Each step takes much longer than it should, and the person behaves like a child that has learned how to dance but must go slow to count the steps (no pun intended). The situation is the same going down the stairs, where little or no energy is required.
So for those who do not know, I will tell you how to use the stairs. To go up, first place your foot on the bottom stair. Then, while keeping your foot on that stair, place the rear foot on the second stair. Keeping the foot on the second stair in place, move the foot on the bottom step to the third step. Repeat this motion. To descend, simply use the top stair as the first stair and keep bringing the rear leg from behind to land on the next lowest stair. Perhaps the hesitation going down is from a fear of falling. If this is the case, simply use the bannister to alleviate your fears.
As a final point, I would like to mention that the knowledge of staircases is not innate. Children do learn from parents how to go up and down the stairs. If you have a child at this young age, I appreciate that you must teach them to use the stairs. I just feel that a busy subway station during rush hour may not be the most appropriate time and place for these lessons. So if you still do not know how the stairs work, learn quick or move somewhere far away from me. I am on the verge of knocking these people over.

On Airport Security

With the exception of a rare few, people do not look forward to waking up every morning and heading to work. Consequently, breaks from work are needed and granted in most jobs. Vacations are meant to be a time to relax and destress. In order to make the most of this time off, many people choose to travel to another location. This is where the stress level increases. Airports have always been notorious for long waiting times, but now the added security has made everything much worse.
The first problem is that nothing can be private any longer. All luggage is opened in front of everyone and sifted through. Even when there is nothing improper in the suitcase, the event still leaves one feeling a bit exposed and embarrassed.
For a brief period of time, Jet Blue tried to remedy this problem by using a chemical to detect explosives. A small cotton ball was dipped in the chemical and waved over the suitcase. Any form of explosive would cause the cotton ball to turn brown. This method did not even last for six months before the government claimed it was unacceptable. Obviously, the government doesn't care whether or not there are explosives. The main concern is that everyone gets used to having all of their personal belongings searched.
As if this was not bad enough, things became worse with the shoe bomber. Now everyone has to remove their shoes while going through the metal detector. This is the most ridiculous thing ever. If someone had an amount of explosives small enough to be wedged in a shoe, that person can obviously hide it somewhere else. Having people remove shoes is unnecessary and pointless.
But this is not the end. After the scheme that those people in England hatched, we are now forbidden to carry any liquid more than three fluid ounces on board. This is by far the worst and most inconvenient policy the airlines have ever dreamed up. The idea behind this is that no one can ever plan to get on board and mix chemicals together to blow up the plane. This may seem logical, but it truly is not if you think about for a moment.
I don't know about anyone else, but I can certainly say that I would not sit idly by if the person in the seat next to me was mixing flasks of chemicals over a Bunsen burner. Although some people did come up with a scheme, it was found out a year in advance and prevented. Frankly, I don't think they would've pulled it off had they been allowed on the flight. Everyone should stop worrying so much about terrorists, and worry more about the control and the rights that are being relinquished all too easily.
I am not going to blow up the aircraft with my shampoo. And I don't want my shampoo all over my clothes when I arrive at my destination. This just kills the vacation. Now when I travel somewhere, I cannot bring back a beer from that region for fear that it will break while being handled with the rest of the cargo. Mother's with infants are being forced to drink their own breast milk. And everyone is okay with it!
What it really comes down to is this: most people that praise all of the servicemen that have fought for this country and our freedoms are hypocrits. On the one hand they claim that it is noble to die in order to protect freedom. But then when the person that may die is them, they immediately surrender all freedoms without a fight. And all for a false sense of security. I, for one, would rather die than give up my freedoms. Perhaps the slogan "Freedom isn't free" should be changed to "Freedom isn't important."

On The Quality Of Meat At Restaurants

When it comes to dining, nothing tempts my palate more than the edible flesh of animals. Delectable is a word that comes to mind when I wish to describe meat. Although vegetarianism is a very popular trend nowadays, most restaurants still offer a large number of meat dishes. I have always ordered one of these selections when eating out.
When ordering meat there are a variety of ways for it to be cooked. Rare is when the outside is browned, but the inside remains red. Medium rare (my favourite) is very hard to accomplish in its pure form, but competent chefs have no trouble with this. The outside is brown, then there is a layer of pink followed by a warm red center. True medium rare meat will have three layers. Medium is pink throughout. Medium well has some pink, but mostly brown and well-done meat is consistently brown. I used to think that this was common knowledge, and as such it would render this entire paragraph superfluous, but this cannot be the case.
There is reason this information cannot be as well-known as I previously thought. Almost every restaurant I have gone to in the past couple of years has without fail overcooked my steak. I always ask for medium rare, and they serve me a steak well done. I used to merely accept this, not wanting to send food back, and I would simply tip much less than usual. But when I am paying $45 for a filet mignon, the chef should not burn it and expect me to say nothing. I now send it back (which still frightens me a bit, since the annoyed staff may sabotage my food) and request a new steak cooked properly.
In most restaurants the quality of the meat has also diminished. I now receive steaks with only a small portion of meat surrounded by large amounts of fat, whereas I used to receive good cuts of meat. One overrated place at fault on both counts comes to mind: Peter Luger Steakhouse. I know a great many people that believe Peter Luger's to be the best steakhouse around. I have news for everyone-- Peter Luger Steakhouse sucks. First off, they force people to get a shared steak. This results in a larger piece of meat, and therefore the quality plummets. Secondly, if half the party wants the steak cooked rare and the other half wants it well done, the waiters insist on serving a large steak cooked medium. This is bullshit. Of course, when the customer insists that they will not eat a steak that is cooked too much or too little, then two steaks will be served. But someone paying the exorbitant price at this steakhouse should not even receive the suggestion of getting a steak cooked in a way that is not to his or her liking. So as for Peter Luger's, the bacon appetizer is amazing, but the steak just plain sucks.
My point is that restaurants seem to be buying lower quality meat, and this gets combined with chefs that no longer pay attention to how the meat was requested, and the prices have gone up if anything. As far as the quality of the cut of meat, not much can be done. For the overcooking however, there is a solution that sometimes works. Now when I order a steak, I give the waiter a speech. I let him know that most chefs overcook the steak, and that this is a problem. I also tell him that if my meat was not cooked properly, I would much rather have it undercooked than overcooked. Although this may make me sound like a pain in the ass, I feel that something has to be done and this is a solution that has worked.
So next time you order meat at a restaurant, beware! They will have no problem serving you a cheap piece of fat with hardly any meat. And that tiny portion of meat will most likely be cooked in some way other than the way you asked for it. Perhaps the best idea is to simply go to the butcher and cook it yourself.