On Home Fries

The potato, a starchy tuberous crop in the Solanaceae family, is known throughout the world. It was domesticated in Peru approximately 9,000 years ago, and since that time it has been introduced around the globe. There are now hundreds of different potato recipes, and potatoes can be prepared in numerous ways.

Furthermore, potatoes can be served at breakfast, lunch or dinner. Although it is rarely an entree, it is one of the main side dishes and is the world's fourth largest food crop. Despite the fact that most of the potato dishes are good, there is a dish that is notoriously terrible. I am referring to home fries.

In most diners, home fries are the typical complement to breakfast. But their popularity has always baffled me. It is almost as if a whole group of restaurants and diners got together and said "OK. We have some perfectly edible potatoes here. How can we turn them into something completely terrible?" And the answer to that question was home fries.

I will admit that, on rare occasion, one can stumble upon a place that has edible home fries. But by and large, they are absolutely dreadful. Smashed up potatoes, microwaved first, then placed on a grill for a short time doesn't really cut it for me. "Enhancing" them by sprinkling on some crappy seasoning doesn't do much to help. And mixing in some rotten pieces of bell pepper only makes the dish worse.*

I know the restaurants serve potatoes like this to save time. But I think hash browns or french fries wouldn't really take that much longer, and it would probably lead to happier customers. So here is my suggestion to the restaurants and diners: think of a new side dish for breakfast! Because those home fries have got to go.

*Note: I know that technically the addition of bell peppers changes the name of the side dish from home fries to potatoes O'Brien. But both are similar themes on the same disgusting dish, and there was no need to distinguish between the two in this rant.

The Friendly Stranger

Socialization is the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained. Socializing is a part of life, and it comes in many forms. It starts with family, then progresses throughout school. From there it can branch out to socializing with peers, coworkers, or groups. In short, the majority of people learn how to socialize by the time they reach adulthood.

For some, the need to socialize is very great. Any activity such as going to the movies, going to dinner, or simply going into a bar, require the presence of another for these people. Those that are a bit more independent can sometimes go to these places alone. In any case, going out involves interacting with others on some level.

When it comes to places such as bars, cafes, and clubs, people will often interact with strangers. In many cases this is perfectly normal. Typical chit chat at a bar with the stranger next to you is not uncommon. But in some cases it leads to problems.

At times, I find myself in a conversation with a stranger at the bar. Initially, everything seems normal. But after a while, something seems a bit off. Suddenly the reality of the situation becomes apparent-- this individual is latching on. What started out normal turned out to be a clingy individual in need of new friends. I'm always weirded out by this.

Although most people have learned how to socialize, this guy apparently has not. Sure, the conversation started out normally enough. But then it becomes apparent that he has no friends and is looking for you to fill that gap. It gets even weirder when he asks to exchange numbers. What the hell is up with that? Now I have several choices, but none of them make me comfortable.

First off, I can exchange numbers with him (but this is something I really want to avoid). I can also give him my old, non-working cell phone number. Or I can be honest and say that I'd rather not. Most often, I choose the latter. It may make me look mean, but I really don't care. Just because we spoke for a while at the bar in order to pass the time, it doesn't mean that I want you calling me to hang out.

In summary, I'm not looking for a new friend. If you are, then you're going to have to look somewhere else. If you want to talk at the bar, I'm okay with it. If you think that means I'm your new best friend, you have issues that you need to resolve.

On Mispronunciation

On average, a baby will speak his or her first word between 10 and 11 months of age. Between the ages of two and three, children obtain a vocabulary of approximately 300 words. From there words are linked together, sentences are formed, and speaking becomes a primary form of communication.

Yet after years and years of speaking, there are many that still corrupt many words through mispronunciation. Perhaps this shouldn't bother me at all, since it really has no effect on my life. But with certain words, I can't help but cringe when I hear them pronounced incorrectly. Creating a whole list of such words would take far too long. Furthermore, complaining about words that are rarely used in everyday conversation would be too extreme. So I will briefly mention a few commonly mispronounced words that get to me.

First there are those people that replace a letter "n" with a letter "m." Of course I still know what they are talking about, but it infuriates me. If you ever tell me that "Valentime's Day is coming", know that I will probably lose all respect for you. The swapping of m's and n's occurs quite frequently as well. In some cases I will let it slide, and in others I find it unforgivable. If you tell me that the clown fish hangs out in a "sea anenome", I will simply let it go. After all, anemones are not encountered on an every day basis. However, if you tell me that the clown fish is an "aminal", I will correct you and probably show signs of frustration.

Another commonly mispronounced word is supposedly. For some reason, many people falsely subscribe to the belief that it is pronounced supposably. But if you think about it for just a little while, the correct pronunciation is clear. It is normal to say "That plant is supposed to go by the window." But saying "That plant is supposab to go by the window" sounds wrong to any one's ears.

Then we come to the place filled with books, where people can borrow and return them for free. This place is known as the library. But to a great many it is known as the liberry. What the hell is a liberry? The opposite of a truth berry? Are you going to make a smoothie out of it? It's a building, not a fruit. Get it right!

Finally, there is a word that is mispronounced by many people I know. A large number of them are even highly educated. Yet this word has slipped through the cracks and is always mispronounced in the same manner. I am referring to the word "anyway." Anyway is a term that is used quite often and is synonymous with the term "in any case." Yet as popular as it is, far too many people feel the need to corrupt this term by adding an "s" to the end. "Anyways" is not a word. By the rules of grammar it cannot be a word. The word "anyway" is an adverb, and adverbs cannot be pluralized!

So if you are one of the culprits that mispronounces one of these common words, try pronouncing it correctly in the future. It will not only sound more pleasant to the ears of the listener; it will also be able to raise your status in the eyes of others.

The Leaning Sleeper

With the rare exception of those that live a completely sheltered life, there will be occasions when we travel. There are various ways to travel. But unless you are traveling by car, there is a problem that will crop up every now and then. On buses, trains, and planes we often have to sit next to a complete stranger.

Human nature being what it is, there are many problems that can arise from this situation. I cannot run the gamut and discuss all of the problems ranging from body odour to lack of consideration for personal space. I will only discuss one.

During a long journey, many of us are susceptible to somnolence. At this point, many people commit an act of extreme discourtesy. I understand that the person next to me is tired, but that person next to me should understand that we are strangers! As such, there are certain lines that should not be crossed. And one of those lines is definitely crossed when the stranger decides to use me as a pillow!

When you are a complete and total stranger, you have to come to the realisation that my shoulder is not near you for your convenience. It is merely what happens when two people sit next to one another. Attached to that shoulder is me, and I'd appreciate it if you leaned your head in the opposite direction.

Sleeping on a stranger takes the disregard for personal space to a whole other level. It is more than mild rudeness. It is simply unacceptable. Now I have to spend the entire trip nudging some random person's head off of me. Times like that make me wish that seats came with personal dividers between them. Obviously the arms rests are not sufficient enough.

So the next time you're traveling and you feel yourself getting tired, mind which way you lean. At the point where drowsiness sets in, you can still make a conscious decision to lean away from the person you have never met or seen before. I don't know what behaviours fit into your understanding of etiquette, but I can tell you that most people would consider it rude to drool on a total stranger. Keep that in mind for the future.

Enjoy The Show!

Gone are the days where entertainment was nothing more than a group gathered around to hears stories or listen to a radio. In today's high tech world, people need a combination of visual and audio stimulation. We now go to the movies, watch clips on the internet, or occasionally go see a live performance.

Live entertainment is still very much appreciated. Whether the show is a play/musical, a comedy act, a variety act, or a concert, there are always people that will go to see others perform. As an audiophile, I am particularly fond of concerts. Live music is often far more entertaining than listening to an album. But there are many people that attend concerts and never enjoy the show.

In order to fully enjoy a concert, one must take in all of the visual effects, all of the bands' antics, the lighting, any videos being shown, and the sound of the music all at the same time. To sit and absorb all of this at once is what makes the concert experience so great. Unfortunately, we may now be too advanced for our own good.

Almost everyone's cell phone is now more like a miniature computer with various functions. One of the many functions offered on many phones is a video recorder. Now when everything is happening on stage, my view suddenly gets blocked. Rather than watching the concert, I wind up watching a whole bunch of arms held up in the air holding cell phones. These idiots decided to go to a live concert in order to watch a video of it instead! Why wouldn't they just rent a DVD?

Perhaps this shouldn't frustrate me so much, but I can't help it. I want to enjoy the show, and therefore I want to see the stage. And I want to see the stage through my own eyes, not through the small screen of some moron's phone. What is wrong with everyone? Do you really think that your cell phone video is going to capture the experience? If you do, you are sadly mistaken. Ironically, by trying to immortalize your concert experience, you miss out on the concert experience entirely!

If you are one of these people that says to yourself "I don't feel like watching the concert right now. I think I'll just watch it later on my cell phone," you need to seriously examine your logic. You have to understand that what you are doing makes zero sense. If you really want to enjoy the show, shut your cell phone off! Have you ever viewed your concert video and thought that it was great? I've seen the videos that people have taken many times. It is always low quality, and the audio is horrendous. So for the future, leave your cell phone alone. Just sit down, relax, and enjoy the show. I guarantee that it will be a far more rewarding concert experience than trying to capture everything on a crappy cell phone camera.