On Fire Drills

From the time we first attend school, we all become acquainted with the fire drill. Everyone is told to line up and leave the building in an orderly fashion. In school the concept is fairly simple: in the event of a real fire, just run everything like a drill. By doing it that way the students will supposedly leave calmly and, in some cases, not know that there is an actual fire. Of course in practice things are never quite so simple. In every anecdote I've heard about a school fire, I was told that all of the students knew it was for real.

Nevertheless, there may at least be some shred of logic when it comes to school fire drills. After all, the children that are in kindergarten or the first grade may need some practice lining up. Kids can be wild at that age. Lining up and following the teacher outside is a behavior that may need to be reinforced. But after a certain age these fire drills become rather pointless. Even the older students of an elementary school are far too advanced for such nonsense.

Despite the age of the students, fire drills continue throughout the years. Even high schools conduct fire drills (a point and age at which it becomes absurd). Of course certain fire codes require these drills by law. But maybe the law needs to be changed. After all, this law does not only affect students.

Fully grown adults are actually required to participate in fire drills at work. This is so completely retarded that there are no words sufficient enough to describe it. About once a year all of these fully grown adults are told to leave the building for a fire drill. It happens to people in almost every industry. Everyone must stop working, put his or her coat on, and walk outside with everyone else. All of the employees then meet at some designated location, stand around like schmucks for fifteen minutes, and reenter the building. It is truly moronic.

Adults have absolutely no need for fire drills. People may be stupid, but even the majority of the hopelessly dumb should be able to leave a building. No practice is required. The law that requires such fire drills can probably go on a list of the top 100 dumbest laws. Adult fire drills are pointless. Fire drills for any individual with an age containing two digits is pointless. This useless exercise should be eliminated along with the useless fire code. If someone doesn't know how to leave a burning building due to lack of practice, chances are that said individual won't be missed.

It's The Thought That Counts

Throughout one's life there are various events in which gifts are typically given. Some of these events are rare. Baby showers, wedding gifts, and bridal showers can only be expected to occur a handful of times at most. Other occasions occur only once. Religious ceremonies such as barmitzvahs, communions, or confirmations do not have a chance of recurring. Finally there are the events that occur every year. The most typical would be the day of one's birth, but other cultures may also celebrate events such as a "name day."

Regardless of the specific occasion, most people know that the gifts can usually be separated into two main categories: good and bad. When it comes to the poor gifts, the expression "It's the thought that counts" is often uttered. But here's the rub. To which thought does that expression referring? Can it really be that the mere thought of grabbing something off the shelf is what counts? I think not.

It is time to reexamine that expression. In my opinion it is, in fact, the thought that counts. But the thought is what went into picking out the gift. How much does the gift show that the individual was actually thinking about you? The thought that goes into the gift is what counts. The thought (or more typically afterthought) of realizing that a gift has to be picked up for the party is completely different.

In fact, many times the person who is giving the gift will let you know that the gift is not worth much before it is opened. This is the person that hands the gift over while actually saying "It's the thought that counts." What this person should realize is that the gift counts for absolutely nothing. If zero thought went into picking out the gift, then the gift counts just as much (i.e. the gift doesn't count at all). Okay, perhaps that is a bit too harsh. Giving something should obviously count more than giving nothing. But a gift quickly grabbed without any regard for the recipient can't count for all that much.

So if you are one of these people that hands over gifts saying "It's the thought that counts," know which thought the expression intended. The thought of having to grab a gift is not thoughtful. Picking something that the recipient would like is what counts. The price does not have to be much. Sometimes it can be extremely cheap, yet appeal to one of the interests of the person receiving the gift. So put a little more thought into a gift next time, and never use the expression as an excuse again.

On Political Correctness

The term "politically correct" has become very popular in recent years. New terms have been devised for various races, creeds, lifestyles, and even housing. These new terms are supposedly more sensitive. The aim is to not offend anyone. Furthermore, by being sensitive and tolerant we are supposed to become less divided. Unfortunately, political correctness has failed in all of its endeavors. In fact, I believe it has driven everyone farther apart.

Political correctness has created a world in which everyone must tread on eggshells when speaking. Any minor slip of the tongue will now bring a torrent of hatred from other parties. To quote Bill Maher, "I can no longer call my dog a dog anymore. He's a Canine American!" It has really gotten quite out of hand. And most of it is pointless as well. Before the whole political correctness movement, black and white people had no problem with the terms "black" and "white." They are not offensive in any way. In fact, there are a great many people out there that would still prefer such a simple label.

Here's my point: by making it seem as though non-offensive terms are offensive, people have become more segregated and more driven apart. People from different cultures should be able to hang out and have a good time. But if both parties have to constantly be weary of what is said, then such hang outs will be few and far between. Political correctness has not stopped prejudice, and certainly has not made bigots more sensitive to others. Political correctness has caused non-prejudiced individuals to start taking offense to everything that is said, and consequently created more prejudice. It may not be as outspoken due to the whole politically correct atmosphere. But it is probably more prevalent.

My advice is to stop using the politically correct terms. Oftentimes the politically correct term is not one shred less offensive than the current term, and it is often more time consuming to say. Furthermore, the people that devise these terms are rarely a member of the particular group being named. They can tell you that they are doing good, but by inciting people to take offense they are actually breeding hate. Over the past few years, I have now become prejudiced. Not against any particular race or religion (well maybe a few of the really dumb and obviously phony religions), but against the people that are trying to shove this politically correct crap down my throat. If you are one of these people, do the world a favor and throw yourself off a bridge.

On Modern Pharmacies

In the age of modern medicine, we no longer have delusions about what causes illness. Many of the pathogens that cause disease have been studied, and chemical substances have been created to eradicate many of these pathogens. Antibiotics have been developed for a large number of bacteria, anti-fungal treatments created, and in a few cases anti-serums can kill viruses.

These medical treatments are not restricted to pathogens either. There are medicines to lower blood pressure, cure depression, and even cause erections. The apothecary has existed for centuries, and pharmacists are still around today to fill prescription needs. Or at least they are supposed to be around to fill prescriptions.

Nowadays the pharmacies have become more like grocery stores. The pharmacy of today is packed with chips, soda, paper goods, basic food items, and greeting cards. This in itself is not a problem. In fact, if pharmacies were able to operate with this grocery store addition then it would be rather convenient for most of the customers. Unfortunately, today's pharmacies have shown that they are too incompetent to handle both the functions of the grocery section and the pharmacy. And since a large number of people have decided to use the pharmacy as a place to buy their groceries, the pharmaceutical aspect of the store has gone down the tubes.

Each time I go to the pharmacy to fill a prescription, I try to search for one of those old "Mom and Pop" type of pharmacies. It's not about being anti big business or anything stupid like that. The fact is that I have a prescription that I need filled. In order to get the prescription filled, I have to go somewhere that can fill it. These modern pharmacies are obviously not up to the task.

I enter the grocery store/pharmacy and head to the back. I give in my prescription and I always hear the sentence "Ooh, let me check to see if we have that." I wait for a while and then I'm told that they don't have my prescription in stock. And it's not just me. I've been behind others at these lines where the person in front of me was told the same thing. What is going on? The shelves are always stocked with all of the groceries. I suppose when it comes time to reorder supplies, the actual medicine takes the lowest priority.

It really pisses me off! All of these stores have the gumption to have a big sign that says "Pharmacy" and yet that pharmacy has no drugs. What's next? Am I going to be told that they ran out of beer the next time I go to a beer garden? Are there going to be bakeries without bread? It makes no sense.

I understand the desire to expand, but you can't leave out the main function of the business. If you want to sell a bunch of groceries, that's fine. But the next time you restock, remind the so-called pharmacist in the back that he needs to reorder some things every now and then as well. Or else fire him and hire some high school student to work back there. After all, you only need a working knowledge of pharmacology if you are going to actually give out prescriptions. If you are only going to tell everyone that you have nothing in stock, you are useless and your degree was all for naught.

Curb Your Dog!

Somewhere in the vicinity of 10,000 B.C. man began to domesticate the wolf. Over the years, with the more docile wolves being chosen for breeding, Canis lupus was transformed into Canis familiaris. The dog has been a common companion to man from that point on. Everyone knows that owning a dog comes with certain responsibilities. But lately I have noticed a terrible trend that indicates a great many people are shirking that responsibility.

When I'm out and walking I often notice that many of the blocks I pass contain a common feature. That feature: a lump of shit! And it is not off to the side or out of the way by any means. There is often a turd dead smack in the middle of the sidewalk. It has become so common that I'm starting to think that dog owners are intentionally training their dogs to relieve themselves in the middle of the sidewalk. I can overlook someone that refuses to clean up after his or her dog (although you probably should). But why does it have to be right in the middle of the sidewalk?

I thought that dogs liked to mark their territory on trees and fire hydrants. At least in that case, the fecal pile would be off to the side. On the occasions when I see a dog turd by a tree or hydrant I let it slide. I wouldn't say that I find it acceptable, but it is fairly easy to ignore. Unfortunately, such occasions are becoming more and more rare. The majority of shit piles that I have observed lately are clearly in a path where someone would walk.

Now there may be some that claim that they have no control over where the dog goes to the bathroom. But this is clearly untrue. If anyone has ever observed a dog that is ready to defecate, it would be noted that the dog goes around in circles looking for the perfect spot. The time that a dog takes looking for a spot to defecate is clearly more than enough time to pull the animal off to the side. In short, shit in the middle of the sidewalk is inexcusable.

So if you are one of the people that encourages your dog to go in the middle of the sidewalk, cut it out! If you aren't going to invest in a pooper scooper, at least have the decency to pull your dog off to the curb. Then again, writing this to someone like you would most likely be futile. You have already shown the world that you have reached a new level of stupidity and therefore you probably don't read.