How To Find Your Seat At An Event: Another Guide For Morons

Most of us have lives outside of the workplace. Pastimes usually consist of getting together with friends or pursuing some outside interest, such as a hobby. However, there is another pastime to mention. Most people tend to enjoy some form of live entertainment every now and then. Various personalities enjoy live entertainment in various forms. But whether the performance is a play, an opera, a concert, or one of the many other types of performance, the method for assigned seating remains fairly consistent.

Despite the extreme consistency with seats defined by letters and numbers, many people cannot seem to find their proper seat. This is something that frustrates me. When heading to my section, I am constantly stuck behind a group of people that move extremely slowly looking around to figure out where to go. Have these people forgotten how to count? Let me open your eyes: if you are in section 5 and the sign says "Sections 1 through 4" that is not your section! But then again, I've met some really dumb people that were still able to count up to five. So perhaps it is the letters that throw these people off.

With twenty six letters in our alphabet, there are over 400 septillion* possible arrangements (a septillion is 10 to the 24th power). This could be very confusing to a person whose IQ may not even contain two digits. Fortunately, there is a song that children sing in which the correct order of the letters are laid out. So if you are one of these people that cannot figure out that Section K comes after Section J, I have a solution. Simply go up to any five-year-old and ask them to sing you the alphabet song. Try to sing along with them and learn the lyrics. Don't worry too much about the ending that goes "Now I know my A, B, C's." After all, I wouldn't want you to get overwhelmed. Just sing along and learn it well enough to memorize the basic order of the letters.

Every time I go to a show, people that cannot find their seats ruin the show. Sometimes they are sitting in my seat. Sometimes they are sitting in someone else's seat nearby or in the same row as me. Whatever the case may be, I either have to stand to let the morons out and let the right people in, kick people out of my seat, or have my view obstructed while the idiots in front of me figure things out. When I have a ticket that says "Row C, Seat 11" I don't find it difficult. But I'm starting to think that perhaps I'm exceptional since I know that C is the third letter of the alphabet and I know how to count up to and recognize the number 11. It is clear that not everyone has such abilities.

So the next time you plan to attend a concert (especially one that I also plan to attend), do me a favor. Learn your alphabet and make sure that you have this counting thing down pat. If you can identify the proper order of the letters and can start to figure out when one number is larger or smaller than another, you are well on your way to being a person that is actually able to find your seat. So keep on practicing your alphabet and keep on counting. Hopefully with these tips you can somehow make yourself more useful to society, although I doubt it.






*Note: The precise number is 403,291,461,126,605,635,584,000,000

On Making Plans

Spontaneity can be a wonderful way to break up the everyday humdrum activities, and is necessary every now and then to breathe new life into us by steering away from monotony. However, even the most spontaneous require some structure in their lives. Unpredictable behavior can only occur on occasion, and cannot be used as a foundation on which to base one's life. Consequently, plans become a necessity. Although this should not pose a problem, the amount of people that seem incapable of making plans and following through is staggering.

Ten years ago plans did not seem to go awry as often as they do today. Of course, without actually having any recorded data, there is no way to know this for certain. But I truly believe that people have lost the ability to make firm plans. How can this be?

In this age of technology, one would think that making plans would be much easier. There are now so many ways to communicate, it should be a cinch to get together with people. But this is not the case. Perhaps the technology has a hand in this, as counter intuitive as that may seem. After all, even the most active people can sometimes succumb to laziness. With all of the technology, people have the luxury of procrastinating before telling someone that they have to cancel. They can also take advantage by meeting up much later than the scheduled time or at a different location. Thanks to the cell phone, people now go to a general area and call to see where everyone is hanging out. Oftentimes I get off the subway to meet someone at a particular location, and as soon as I am above ground I receive a text message instructing me to go somewhere completely different.

Another problem when making plans is the person that decides to schedule a few outings at the same date and time with different groups. I shall discuss this type of person in a future rant on a separate topic, but for now suffice it to say that the word "yes" should be replaced with the word "maybe." I understand the desire to leave options open and choose later on. But if this is the original plan, why commit to everything? Saying "yes" when you really mean "maybe," or even in some cases "no," is just plain wrong. Those that change plans in midstream are far more preferable. At least in that case the end result is that everyone still gets together, albeit in a very haphazard way.

In conclusion, I'm just a bit annoyed that everyone has lost the ability to make plans. I suppose times change and I must learn to change with them. But if you are asked to attend something and you don't know if you will be able to make it, say so! Don't tell people "yes" knowing full well that you don't mean it!